Reunion
by beckyboop
Summary: This is a story set 20 years in the future, in South Park. Please read and review, it's well worth it!


Part One  
  
"Riiiiiing!"  
  
"Honey"  
  
"Riiiiiing!"  
  
"Phone"  
  
"Riiiiiing!"  
  
"Let it ring"  
  
"Riiiiiing!"  
  
"STAN!"  
  
"Riiiiiing!"  
  
"ALL RIGHT! Hello..."  
  
"Hey, Stan. It's Kyle. Didn't wake you, did I?"  
  
"No, no, no." Mumbled Stan, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. "What's up?"  
  
"Well, uh, remember Kenny?"  
  
"What sort of stupid question..."  
  
"Yeah, OK. Well, next week is the 20th Anniversary of his death."  
  
"20 years. That long, huh?"  
  
"Yeah. I figured we could all meet up?"  
  
"Let me check my calendar."  
  
"Heh, yeah. Good one."  
  
"Yeah, yeah, I know. So when? Where?"  
  
"South Park. Next Friday. I'm heading in on Thursday, if you wanna ride."  
  
"Yeah, where are you again?"  
  
"Denver."  
  
"Denver right. Thursday, Friday...oh man! I'm gunna miss the weekend."  
  
"Nah, think of it this way, you'll be spending it with you family."  
  
"I hate you..."  
  
"Hey, can you ring Cartman? I'm kinda busy."  
  
"Sure. I got nothing better to do. I think I still got his number."  
  
"Cool. Later, dude."  
  
"Yeah." Stan tossed the phone away, stretched and yawned.  
  
"Mmmprh. Uh, huh, what was that about?"  
  
"I'm leaving town for a while, Roxy."  
  
"Is this like the time you owed that guy money and he threatened to..."  
  
"No! I'm going home." Roxy lifted her head, looked at him groggily and  
  
laughed. "Oh, yeah, right!"  
  
"I'm serious!" Roxy stopped laughing and shrugged.  
  
"Whatever. So, where you gunna get the money.  
  
"Tina, she's got cash." Roxy glared ad Stan. "What? It's just Tina!" Roxy  
  
shook her head in disgust, rolled over and mumbled to herself. Stan got up, found  
  
some relatively clean clothes and got dressed.  
  
Kyle place the phone back on the cradle, and no sooner did he than it rang.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Boobie! Is that you?"  
  
"Yes mom."  
  
"Did you call Stan"  
  
"Yes mom."  
  
"Is he coming?"  
  
"Yes mom."  
  
"So, you'll call the Marsh's?"  
  
"Yes mom."  
  
"Wonderful! See you later!" *Click*  
  
"Yes...mom." Kyle sighed and put the phone down. He waited for it to ring  
  
again. He stared at it intently. He knew she would ring him. She hadn't really left...  
  
"Dr. Broflowski." The voice on the intercom jolted Kyle back into reality.  
  
"Yes, Heather."  
  
"Your nine o'clock is here." Kyle glanced at his watch.  
  
"They're early. Okay, I'll be down in a minute." Kyle stood up, strode to the  
  
filing cabinet, opened it, found the file he needed it and close the cabinet. He then  
  
left his office, looking back at the phone one again.  
  
"Hon? Phone!" Eric got up from the table and took the receiver from his wife.   
  
She stared adoringly at him. He glared back, and motioned for her to clear his  
  
breakfast plates. She gave him a 'my God what the hell was I thinking' look and  
  
scuttled off the clean up.  
  
"Hello."  
  
"Hey, fatass."  
  
"Who is this?"  
  
"Stan. Stan Marsh." There was a pause.  
  
"Stan. Yes. May I enquire as to why you are calling?"  
  
"Cut the crap, fatass." There was another pause.  
  
"Perhaps you called to assertain information on my activities next Friday?"  
  
"Kenny's anniversary. Yeah. Kyle rang my up to arrange something. He wants  
  
us all to meet up or, I dunno. You in?"  
  
*Sigh* "Yes."  
  
"Oh, cool. See you later, fatass!" *Click* Eric handed the phone to his wife and  
  
took a few deep breaths.  
  
"What's wrong, hon?"  
  
"God damn it! I hate them, I hate them!"  
  
"I know, but you haven't seen them in so many years. The least you can do is go  
  
next Friday."  
  
"No, the least I can do is NOTHING!"  
  
"Look, hon, I think..."  
  
"IT ISN'T YOUR JOB TO THINK!"  
  
"No, hon, you're right. Come on you two, time for school!" Annie Cartman  
  
ushered her two precious, fat, spoilt children out the door..  
  
"Bye hon!" she called.  
  
"Whatever." Eric mumbled, picking up his briefcase. That insurance wasn't  
  
going to sell itself.  
  
Part 2  
  
"Look, Tina, I just need enough money to get to Colorado."  
  
"Stan, if Lyle finds you here..."  
  
"Wait, who's Lyle?"  
  
"My new man, and if he finds you here, he'll kill us both."  
  
"Come on Tina, didn't I always look after you?"  
  
"Yeah. You did. Will two thousand be enough?"  
  
"Oh, I'd say so. But you know how the air fares go up these days."  
  
"Yeah. Here." Tina pushed a wad of dirty cash into Stan's hand.  
  
"Now get outta here." Stan turned and started to scale the flight of stairs leading  
  
out of the building, counting the money he had received from one of his girls, Tina  
  
the prostitute.  
  
"Hey!" He heard a voice behind them.  
  
"Now Lyle, he ain't hurtin' nobody!"  
  
"You give him money, bitch?" Stan stopped, and slowly turned around.  
  
"What did you call the lady?" he asked menacingly.  
  
"Lady, ha! That's a laugh." Stan started to descend the stairs.  
  
"I said what did you call her?"  
  
"You heard."  
  
"Stan, it's not worth it!" shouted Tina, holding Lyle back. Stan stood face to face  
  
with the dirty, smelly, unwashed, unshaven mass of pungent flesh that went by the  
  
name of Lyle.  
  
"You know, that's not how you speak to a lady."  
  
"You don't like it you can shove it up your a..." *CRUNCH!* It was a sickening  
  
sound as Stan's fist connected with Lyle's bulbous nose, knocking him against a wall.  
  
"Why you little...grrr!" Lyle turned and charged at Stan, head down, ready to  
  
attack. But Stan held his ground, held it, held it, held it until Lyle was almost upon  
  
him and...*THUD* Stan stepped out of the way, causing Lyle to head-but the brick  
  
wall behind him.  
  
"Crap. You think he's dead?"  
  
"Nah, he does this kind of thing all the time. He likes to but stuff with his head.   
  
He'll be awake soon. Best you do now, though." Tina casually took a cigarette and a  
  
lighter from Lyle's top pocket and lit up.  
  
"Later, babe."  
  
"Bye Stan." Stan once again ascended the stairs. Surfacing at ground level, he  
  
did up his jacket to guard against the cold wind.  
  
"Hello. I am Eric Cartman, a representative form the Stone insurance agency. To  
  
whom am I speaking to today?"  
  
"Um, Larry."  
  
"Hi Larry. Let me ask you, what would your family do in the untimely event of  
  
your death?"  
  
"Um, I don't really have any..."  
  
"That's right Larry, they'd be devastated. And without any monetary funds to pay  
  
for your funeral I bet?"  
  
"Uh, I don't..."  
  
"That's right. Unless you take out one of our cost effective, and downright  
  
sensible, life insurance policies! The payments will only cost you $2:00 per week,  
  
based on an average, healthy, 40 year old male, and that's a bargain!"  
  
"Look, I don't need insura..."  
  
"You're breakin my balls, Larry."  
  
"I, I am? I'm sorry I..."  
  
"Listen, Larry, I don't want a lot of bullshit from you and you don't want a lot of  
  
bullshit from me. But where does that get us? Nowhere!"  
  
"I guess..."  
  
"Listen, Larry, come into the office and I could make it well worth your while."  
  
"What, I don't underst..."  
  
"How does full coverage sound?"  
  
"Gee..I don't..."  
  
"Larry, Larry, just think it over. Come into the office. Shall we say 2:00 this  
  
afternoon?"  
  
"Um, OK."  
  
"Great! You of course know where our offices are?"  
  
"Yeah, they're..."  
  
"Super! See you then Larry." *Click.* "Idiot." Eric put the phone down and  
  
leaned back in his chair. "Yes, another sale for sure." Eric got up and walked over  
  
to the door that lead into his secretary's office.  
  
"Hey Janice."  
  
"Oh, Mr. Cartman," Janice purred, stopping her typing and swiveling her chair to  
  
face him. "Another sale?"  
  
"You bet."  
  
"Well," said Janice, eyeing Eric seductively, while undoing the top button on her  
  
cardigan. "Are you going to celebrate?"  
  
"So, this medication will have no side effects?"  
  
"No, I wouldn't think so. Just remember, don't take it with alcohol."  
  
"Oh, so you're not supposed to do that?"  
  
"No Mrs. Rosario."  
  
"Oh, well. Thankyou Dr. Broflowski!" Kyle sighed as Mrs. Rosario exited the  
  
room. He picked up the phone and dialed that front desk.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Heather. It's Dr. B. How's the rest of my day shaping up?  
  
"OK. You have one more appointment, oh, Dr. Marshall had to step out, some  
  
home thing, can you take his 2:00?"  
  
"Sure." Said Kyle, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Any messages?"  
  
"Yes, now that you mention it, a Stan Marsh called. He said he'd got the money  
  
for a plane ticket and he'll take the first flight in. Oh, and don't worry about picking  
  
him up at the airport."  
  
"Great, Heather. Thanks." Kyle hung the phone up and rubbed his temples.  
  
Part Three  
  
"Can't you drive any faster?"  
  
"Stan, you're starting to sound like you actually want to go home." Kyle and Stan  
  
looked at each other, then both looked at the road.  
  
"So," inquired Kyle trying to make conversation, "you living with anyone?"  
  
"Yeah, actually. You remember Roxy?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Oh, well, we went to school with her. You know, blonde..."  
  
"Permanent vacant expression?"  
  
"Yup that's her."  
  
"Well, that could be any girl who used to go to our school. What ever happened to  
  
Wendy?"  
  
"Well, I moved away. We just stopped calling each other, and I never answered any  
  
of her letters. Anyway, she's kind of a know it all, you know?"  
  
"Well, I didn't want so say anything. So, if Roxy's from South Park, why isn't she  
  
coming for the reunion?"  
  
"Well, she moved to New York for a reason. She never told me why, but she vowed  
  
never to go back to South Park..."  
  
"That's understandable! You met Cartman's wife?"  
  
"No. What's she like?"  
  
"Dude, what do you think? She married Cartman!"  
  
"Yeah, you got a point there."  
  
"Heard about his secretary Janice, though?"  
  
"No. But let me guess. If Cartman hired her she's gotta be blonde, voluptuous, and  
  
put out."  
  
"Oh yeah."  
  
"What, you know from experience?"  
  
"Well, I don't like to brag..."  
  
"Yeah, whatever. So, you seeing anybody?" Kyle sighed heavily.  
  
"Nah, she left me for some Hollywood director."  
  
"Really, who?"  
  
"Justin Jones."  
  
"Really? Never heard of him."  
  
"Dude, no one has. He mainly does art house shit. He offered Lani..."  
  
"Your ex?"  
  
"Yeah, my ex. Well, he offered her a part in some production about a tree."  
  
"A tree?"  
  
"Yeah, Lani was telling me about this stupid movie. Apparently it's gunna make her  
  
a star."  
  
"A tree?"  
  
"It'll suck."  
  
"Oh yeah. It'll suck major goat penis. You did say it was about a tree."  
  
"Reach in the glove compartment there."  
  
"What, here?"  
  
"Yeah. You see that yellow piece of paper?"  
  
"This one?"  
  
"Yeah. Read it out loud."  
  
"Ahem. 'Annabelle is a young woman finding out new things about her body.' Oh,  
  
this sounds promising..."  
  
"Keep reading."  
  
"Dude, I'm not sure I want to know what happens next. And, besides, I thought this  
  
was about a tree!"  
  
"Keep going." Said Kyle, smiling broadly.  
  
"OK dude, 'It's then she meets her new best friend: a hundred year old tree. Their  
  
relationship grows into a passionate one, until they decide to express their love...' oh my  
  
God 'PHYSICALLY!' Dude! Gross!"  
  
"And just think, I'll be able to say I knew her way back when, before she fucked a  
  
tree."  
  
"Gross. Dude, can I use your cell phone?"  
  
"Who you calling?"  
  
"Cartman."  
  
"Sweet"  
  
"Oh, honey. Why bother even coming home for lunch if we don't..."  
  
"I come home to eat."  
  
"Surprise, surprise."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"Look, you know I have to have a home cooked meal."  
  
"Yeah. Well actually, I was hoping to interest you with some home cookin'."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Come on sweetie," said Annie, moving close to Eric, moving her hands over his  
  
belly, "how about a bit of afternoon delight, huh?"  
  
"What the fuck are you talking about? Oh, you mean sex!"  
  
"Well YAH!" Annie sighed and sat on the end of the bed. She looked up at him.  
  
"You're fucking your secretary, aren't you?"  
  
"Yeah. So?"  
  
"Just wanted to know, hon. I thought I'd make meatballs for dinner, that'd be nice,  
  
right?"  
  
"Riiiiiing"  
  
"Oh, I'll get that!" Annie exclaimed, jumping up.  
  
"Riiiiiing"  
  
"Coming!"  
  
"Riiiiiing"  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Hey. Is fatass, I mean Cartman there?"  
  
"Oh, we have a lot of Cartmans here. Poppa Cartman, Momma Cartman and the two  
  
little Cartmans!"  
  
"Jesus Christ! He's breeding!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Nothing. Can I talk to Eric, is he there?"  
  
"Is he here?" Annie looked at Eric, shaking his head, flailing his arms and silently  
  
mouthing "NO!"  
  
"You know what, hon." Said Annie, glaring at Eric, "he is here." She handed the  
  
phone to Eric. "I think it's one of your friends, dear." Eric snatched the phone without  
  
saying anything to his beloved wife. She smiled sweetly at him and exited the room,  
  
knowing that she would pay for this later.  
  
"Hello."  
  
"Hey fatass."  
  
"Hey, uh, dickhole."  
  
"So, that was your wife, huh."  
  
"Yes. Yes it was."  
  
"Dude, she sounds hot! Very sexy voice. I mean if she looks as good as she  
  
sounds..."  
  
"Is there a purpose for this call?"  
  
"Yeah, I just wanted to tell you that Kyle and I are on our way. I think we're almost  
  
there, are we? Yeah, we are."  
  
"Great. Super. I await you arrival with eager anticipation."  
  
"You'd better, fatass. Seeya! Oh, say hey to your wife for me!" *Click.* Cartman  
  
threw the receiver down violently. "Fuck Stan, fuck Kyle, I HATE THEM GOD DAMN  
  
IT I HATE THEM!"  
  
"Well, that went well!" Said Kyle sarcastically.  
  
"Dude, you never told me he was breeding!"  
  
"I was gunna break it to you slowly, wait for the right time, you know?"  
  
"Yeah yeah. God! How long have we been driving?"  
  
"Hours, dude. We'll be there soon. Who you looking forward to seeing again?"  
  
"What are you fucking kidding me?"  
  
"Yeah, heh."  
  
"Hey, look dude. It's Stark's Pond."  
  
"Hey, you're right Stan."  
  
"So, we're almost home."  
  
"Yeah, look, there's the old town sign. We're here."  
  
"Crap."  
  
"I second that." Said Kyle, turning down the street where his parents lived, ready to  
  
face them again.  
  
  
  
Part 4  
  
"My boobie's here!" Sheela jumped up and hugged Kyle as soon as he walked in the  
  
door. "Gerald, your son's home."  
  
"Uh huh." Gerald Broflowski was engrossed in a newspaper.  
  
"Mom, how are you?" Said Kyle hugging her.  
  
"Oh, you have grown into such a hansome young man." Sheela gushed, pinching his  
  
cheeks.  
  
"Ow, mom. Yeah, ok." Sheela ley go and Kyle rubbed his cheek.  
  
"Where's Ike? Is he around?"  
  
"Oh, Kyle. You haven't heard the latest, have you? Ike's a scientest, doing really  
  
important work!"  
  
"How important?"  
  
"Well, as soon as his lab gets some grant they are hoping to find a cure for cancer,  
  
a.i.d.s and body odour."  
  
"Wow, that important, huh?"  
  
"Oh, you can ask him yourself, he'll be coming into town tonight."  
  
"Great."  
  
"So, Stan. You got yourself some exotic New York tail yet?"  
  
"Oh Randy! Don't fill the boy's head with that crap."  
  
"But Sharon...he's a man! You wanna talk about sluts, what about that Bebe  
  
Stephens? Woo, baby!"  
  
"Bebe?"  
  
"Oh yes dear," said Sharon, setting a mug of coffee in front of Stan. "She's turned  
  
into quite the flaming whore! Apparently she's slept with half the population of South  
  
Park!"  
  
"You mean male population, don't you mom?"  
  
"No, she doesn't."  
  
"Ah...oh." Stan gave that idea a bit of thought. "Another Lianne Cartman, then?"  
  
"Hell, son. Girl's gotta do something with her time!"  
  
*Ding Dong!* "Oh, That'll be Shelly!" Sharon jumped up to answer the door.  
  
"Grandma! Grandpa!"  
  
"Shelly's got kids?" Stan whispers to Randy.  
  
"Just the one. Why?"  
  
"Dunno. Just scares me for some reason."  
  
"Me too, son. Me too."  
  
"Where's my baby brother?" Shelly came into the living room, smiling her perfect  
  
smile.  
  
"See sweetie," said Sharon, "I told you those braces would pay off one day!"  
  
"Yeah, mom. I guess you were right. Where's Stan?" Stan winced and tensed his  
  
body, ready for the punch, just like when they were kids.  
  
"Oh, Stan. I'm not gunna hurt you! Just because you never came to my wedding..."  
  
"Yeah, sorry, I was passed out pretty much that whole week..."  
  
"...and you've never even met your nephew..."  
  
"...you know I'm not good with kids, I seem to scare them..."  
  
"...hell, you don't even know who I married!"  
  
"...come on! I think I have a pretty good idea. It was Butters, right?"  
  
"No Stan..." said Shelly thought gritted teeth. "I married..." Before Shelly could  
  
complete her sentence, a pug-faced, ginger-haired man carrying an equally pug-faced and  
  
ginger-haired child entered the room.  
  
"Dude! You married Scott Tenorman!"  
  
"Hey, I know you! You used to hang out with that Eric Cartman guy. Has he tried to  
  
sell you insurance yet?"  
  
"Cartman, and insurance salesman? Huh. How appropriate." The young boy  
  
climbed out of his father's arms and walked over to Stan. He couldn't have been more  
  
than five years old.  
  
"Are you my uncle Stan?" he asked, innocently batting his eyelashes.  
  
"Yeah, I am..." said Stan leaning in closer to him.  
  
"Mommy, he smells funny!" yelled the boy and jumped into Shelly's lap.  
  
"Stan, this is your nephew Tommy.  
  
"Great. Nice meeting you."  
  
Butters Stotch was offering children candy as Stan and Kyle walked down the main  
  
street. All the kids gave him a wide berth.  
  
"Dude. Isn't that Butters?" Asked Kyle, pointing.  
  
"Dude, I think it is." Stan and Kyle crossed the street to where Butters was standing.  
  
"They don't seem to want my candy, fellars!" Said butters as soon as he saw them.  
  
"I mean, golly, I bought all this candy specially for the kids and they aint takin none!"   
  
Stan and Kyle looked at each other.  
  
"Do you fellars want some candy? It's awful nice."  
  
"Ah, no thanks Butters. I'll think we'll pass." Said Stan, motioning to Kyle he  
  
wanted to go.  
  
"Say, you fellars are in town for that Kenny memorial. That's set to be a right royal  
  
shindig, that is!"  
  
"Bye Butters." Stan and Kyle walked off.  
  
"I'll see you there, will I? Fellars?" Butters watched them for a while, then went  
  
back to his candy caper.  
  
"Dude, it's Tweek coffee house!"  
  
"Wonder which Tweek runs it?" Said Kyle pushing the door open and going in.   
  
They saw him there, the neat, blonde haired man standing behind the counter, shirt  
  
perfectly buttoned.  
  
"No way can that be Tweek" whispered Kyle to Stan. Stan nodded.  
  
"What can I do for you toda-FUCK...BALLS..tit, BIG TITS!"  
  
"Shit dude!" Stan and Kyle jumped back as the figure twitched and ticked.  
  
"Bullshit that ain't Tweek!" Exclaimed Stan. "I'd know that twitch anywhere."  
  
"Oh, Stan, Kyle." The figure said calmly, straightening himself.  
  
"Tweek," Kyle asked tentatively. "Is that you?"  
  
"Sure is guys-FAG! Yeah, I'm running the family business now." Tweek twitched a  
  
couple of times and smiled.  
  
"Right." Said Stan, looking at him.  
  
"I guess I should explain-FUCK YOU!-I have terrets.  
  
"Yeah, we figured that." Said Stan backing towards the door. "But it's still really  
  
scary!" Stan and Kyle exited as soon as they could, virtually falling over each other in a  
  
rush to leave.  
  
"Well, have a nice-WHORE-day!"  
  
"God damn, Kyle! What happened to our friends? I mean, Butters and Tweek are  
  
crazy, and my sister married Scott Tenorman!"  
  
"It's not them, Stan. It's the town."  
  
"What you talkin bout?"  
  
"Being trapped in this hole has robbed them of something. I mean, Tweek has no  
  
access to a proper doctor unless he travels for hours a day, and he can't leave the shop  
  
unattended. And as for Butters, some stupid kids probably made some story up about  
  
him years ago..."  
  
"Wait, that was us wasn't it?"  
  
"...Yeah. And mud sticks in a small town. Now matter how much we tell people the  
  
Mr Hat thing is a lie..."  
  
"Oh, yeah! That's what it was!"  
  
"...there's always gunna be someone who's gunna whisper about him because of it."  
  
"And what about my sister. What do you think about her?"  
  
"Oh come on! Who's she gunna marry in this town? Butters? Tweek?"  
  
"Yeah, you got a point there. But I always thought she'd get out."  
  
"Why? Just because we did?"  
  
"You knock."  
  
"No! You!" Stan and Kyle debated who would knock of Cartman's door.  
  
"You know Cartman. There's probably barbed wire, and dogs, and poison spears,  
  
and..."  
  
"Alright, alright! I'll knock." Said Kyle, stepping up to the door. *Knock knock  
  
knock* "Ow! How hard is that door?" Kyle rubbed his knuckles.  
  
"Comiiiing!" A voice from inside called. Stan and Kyle waited for the door to open.  
  
"Come in!" The door swung open. "Hi! I'm Annie Cartman!" Said the woman.  
  
"Uh, hi Annie. I'm Stan Marsh and this is Kyle Broflowski."  
  
"Stan and Kyle? Welcome! Eric just got home from work. He's in the living room."   
  
Annie beckoned for them to follow. They trudged into the living room, ready to meet  
  
Cartman again.  
  
Part five  
  
"So, you're back in town."  
  
"Yup." Said Kyle, glaring at Cartman.  
  
"Makin' lots of money, Jew boy"  
  
"Yeah, as a matter of fact I am, dough boy."  
  
"Yeah. I get it. You Jews make all the money and pay no tax, and I have no money  
  
because I pay all the tax." Cartman delivered that line as if he said it a lot.  
  
"Actually, Eric, I pay my fair share of tax. You're just jealous because I'm a  
  
respected doctor, and you're just some insurance salesman!"  
  
"What? How dare you! You think you're smarter than me? Well, you're not! I'M  
  
smarter than YOU! Roared Cartman, jumping out of his chair and advancing on Kyle.  
  
"No," said Kyle standing up, "I think you're fatter than me, and I don't presume to be  
  
smarter than anyone!"  
  
"Than why, huh? Why are YOU a doctor, and I'm just an insurance salesman? And  
  
why do YOU have so many friends, and hardly anyone talks to me?"  
  
"BECAUSE MAYBE EVERYONE'S SICK OF YOU LISTENING TO YOU  
  
BITCH!" Kyle bellowed. "All you do is complain about other people are out to make  
  
your life hard, and how bad it is to be around your so called 'friends'! You bitch about  
  
all your friends behind their backs. You've done it as long as I can remember! You  
  
didn't even care when Kenny died, did you? THAT'S WHY NOBODY CAN STAND  
  
YOU!" Kyle stormed out of Eric's house, followed closely by Stan. Annie came in after  
  
listening to the altercation and went over to her husband.  
  
"Are you okay, hon?" Eric looked at his wife and opened his mouth to say  
  
something. Instead, he shook his head."  
  
"Hon?"  
  
"Those guys suck."  
  
Eric knew he shouldn't be here. He hadn't seen these people in so long. He stood  
  
outside as the sky clouded over, and a few flakes of snow fell. But he had to do it, had to  
  
make it right. He had to see the McCormicks before the memorial tomorrow.  
  
"Hey, did it always snow this much when we were younger?" Said Stan, looking up  
  
at the sky.  
  
"Yup." Replied Kyle, walking along with his hands in his pocket.  
  
"Whatever happened to the McCormicks?" Asked Stan as they walked down the  
  
snowy street.  
  
"Dunno. As far as I know Kevin moved out years ago, and the parents just survive on  
  
welfare."  
  
"Do you think we should go and see them?"  
  
"Yeah, I guess." Stan and Kyle crossed the road and headed towards the wrong side  
  
of the tracks.  
  
As Stan and Kyle neared the McCormicks, they heard yelling. They quickened their  
  
pace. The front door was ajar. Kyle pushed it open. Inside they saw two people  
  
wrestling. One was shouting "I paid for than rum!" It was Cartman, wrestling with  
  
Stuart McCormick!  
  
"What is going ON HERE!" Yelled Kyle in his most authoritative tone. The two  
  
stopped and looked up in surprise.  
  
"Cartman!" Yelled Stan.  
  
"I paid for that rum!" puffed Cartman.  
  
"What the fuck are you talking about?"  
  
"My taxes paid for his welfare checks. He uses that money to buy rum. Therefore,  
  
it's MINE!" Cartman grabbed the rum from the still stunned Stuart and ran around the  
  
dilapidated living room singing "I got the rum, I got the rum!"  
  
"Cartman, you're pathetic!" Yelled Stan.  
  
"Pathetic, but with rum!" With that, Cartman ran out of the house, still clutching the  
  
almost empty rum bottle, yelling "ha ha! I am the lord of the rum!"  
  
"Did that fat fuck come here just for rum?" asked Stan, helping Mr McCormick up.  
  
"No. He came here with good intentions, I'm sure." Answered Mrs McCormick,  
  
who had been watching the whole incident. "But pretty soon he started accusing us of  
  
being lazy and poor because we don't have jobs. We tried to explain to him we were to  
  
old to work, but he didn't listen. Then he went crazy!"  
  
"Yup, that sounds like Eric."  
  
Cartman raged around his home as night set in.  
  
"Thos assholes! Those ass licking, ass sucking assholes! They've gotta pay!"  
  
"Oh, Eric, don't you think you've reaped enough revenge this month?"  
  
"NO! NEVER ENOUGH!"  
  
"All right, I'll get your drawing board and put on a pot of coffee." Said Annie,  
  
exiting into the kitchen.  
  
"Yes." Said Eric, rubbing his hands together. "They'll forever remember the name  
  
Eric Cartman!" Cartman threw his head back and laughed malevolently.  
  
Kyle and Ike stood outside Hap's bar.  
  
"You sure about this?" asked Ike apprehensively.  
  
"Come on Ike! You're, what, 24? You can drink in a bar, you know?" Answered  
  
Kyle, smiling."  
  
"That's not what I mean," answered Ike, sweeping his thick black hair out of his eyes.   
  
"You know what I mean! All the people we used to know will be here tonight."  
  
"What's the big deal? You're gunna see them tomorrow anyway." Answered Kyle.  
  
"So you're telling me you want to run into Herbert Garrison?"  
  
"Actually, I was really looking forward to seeing Mr. Hat." The two boys laughed.   
  
Ike shrugged and headed toward the door. He turned back to Kyle. "Coming?" Kyle and  
  
Ike pushed open the double doors and entered the crowded bar. Kyle and Ike entered the  
  
smoke filled bar. Kyle scanned the faces. He knew every person there. He looked at Ike  
  
who was cringing too. Kyle leaned over and murmured to him. "Just head to the bar.   
  
Eyes straight. Order your drink. OK?" Ike nodded and headed to the bar to order his  
  
drink. Kyle looked around. He noticed someone waving at him from the corner. He  
  
made his way over. The girl waving was a scantily dressed blonde, with really huge  
  
boobs. There was a girl with black hair who had her back to him. She was wearing a  
  
power suit and trying to talk on a cell phone, despite the noise of the bar. As Kyle got  
  
closer he recognised the blonde. It was Bebe Stephens, no doubt about that, and the  
  
brunette was..."Wendy!" Said Kyle as she turned around.  
  
"Call you back Hal. Kyle!" Wendy stood up and hugged Kyle briefly. Bebe also  
  
stood up. Kyle almost fell over. She was tall, but that may have just been her red  
  
platform heels. She was wearing fishnet stockings which accentuated her shapely calves  
  
and thighs. She also wearing very tight gold hot pants, and her bellybutton was pierced.   
  
Her entire midriff was bare, but it was her chest that really caught Kyle's attention. She  
  
was wearing a red bikini top which barely covered her ample breasts, and yes, they were  
  
real. Her curly blonde hair fell over them. Kyle tore himself away long enough to look  
  
at her face, which was heavily made up. She smiled at him. "So, Kyle. I hear you're a  
  
doctor!" Said Bebe, looking at him seductively.  
  
"Yeah, I got a small practice with a couple of other doctor. It's a great learning  
  
experience." Kyle said, nodding.  
  
"Hmm, I bet it is." Said Bebe, rubbing Kyle's arm.  
  
"Yeah. So, what are you girls doing these days?" Kyle asked, stepping away from  
  
Bebe's amorous attention.  
  
"Well," said Wendy impatiently, "I'm an attorney working for a very big law firm in  
  
California, and I need to make a call!" Wendy picked up her purse and stormed out of  
  
the bar. Bebe smiled at Kyle. "Wondering what I'm doing these days."  
  
"Oh, yeah." Said Kyle looking her over.  
  
"Well, I've been working down at Tomcats."  
  
"You're a STRIPPER!?" Gaped Kyle. "But what happened to that little girl who  
  
hated her boobs, who didn't want to everything handed to her just because she had big  
  
boobs? What happened to the girl who had ambition?"  
  
"Oh, come on Kyle! I'm living in South Park for fuck's sake! I can't ever be  
  
anything other than what they expect me to be. You know that." Kyle nodded.  
  
"Wait, who's that?" Bebe glanced over Kyle's shoulder. Kyle turned and followed  
  
her gaze. He smiled to himself.  
  
"Bebe, you remember my little brother Ike?"  
  
"THAT'S Ike?" Bebe wiggled over to Ike and starting chatting him up. Ike smiled at  
  
her, then glanced over at Kyle. Kyle nodded at Ike, and Ike rose his glass to him. Kyle  
  
sat down in a booth to wait for that waitress.  
  
"What'll it be?" Kyle looked up at the waitress.  
  
"Lizzy? Is that you?" Lizzy looked down at him in surprise.  
  
"Kyle Broflowski! I heard you were back in town. Enjoying yourself?"  
  
"Yeah. Great." Lizzie smiled at his, and Kyle laughed.  
  
"So what are you having?"  
  
"Beer." Lizzy walked over to the bar to get his drink. Kyle watched her. Boy, had  
  
she grown up. He couldn't help but think of Lani. His mind soon wandered to  
  
tomorrow. Kenny's memorial. He knew it was going to be an eventful day.  
  
Part Six  
  
"Stan! Wake up! You'll make us late!"  
  
Stan woke up sore. Last night was too much. He hadn't expected to see Kyle or Ike at  
  
Hap's bar last night. Still, it was a good night, catching up with old friends. He sat up  
  
and looked at the clock next to his bed. 8:30 am. He hadn't been up this early in years.  
  
"Stan! Are you awake!" Sharon called down the hall. "Stan!" So that's what woke  
  
him up.  
  
"Yup! I'm up!" Answered Stan, stretching, scratching and yawning. Sharon barged  
  
into his room with a freshly pressed suit.  
  
"Mom!" Stan exclaimed, covering his nakedness with a pillow.  
  
"Oh! I'm your mother Stan! You'd better hop into that shower right away, the  
  
memorial is at 10 you know, and we still have to set up for the post-memorial party."  
  
"Kyle! Where's your brother?" Sheela called up the stairs. Kyle didn't have the  
  
heart to tell her that Ike didn't come home last night.  
  
"Kyle! Breakfast!" Kyle took a look at his reflection in the mirror and made his way  
  
down stairs.  
  
Eric hadn't slept at all that night. He had been up formulating his most dastardly plan to  
  
date. He had finally done it. He had formulated a plan. It had taken him all night but,  
  
nevertheless, he had a plan that only the most evil genius could thwart.  
  
"Nothing can stop me now!" Cartman crowed, and rubbed his hands in glee.  
  
"Hon, you'd better get ready for the memorial!"  
  
"Oh, but I am ready..."  
  
The Broflowskis made their way over to the Marsh's, together again for the first time in  
  
years.  
  
"Sharon was telling me about her grandson Tommy. Apparently he's a very  
  
intelligent boy. She's very proud of her grandchild." Kyle rolled his eyes. He had heard  
  
all this before. Sheela was desperate for a grandchild. Ike raised his eyebrows, obviously  
  
he'd heard it too. Ike had snuck in only an hour before, and came out of his room  
  
claiming he'd overslept. He used to do that all the time in highschool, and Sheela was  
  
never any the wiser. Kyle knew that he had been out with Bebe, and wondered what had  
  
happened. No, wait. He had a pretty good idea what had happened.  
  
Sharon was setting up tables and chairs in the yard when the Broflowskis arrived.  
  
"Hello Sharon!" Sheela called. "Need a hand?"  
  
"If you don't mind, Sheela." Sheela waddled over to help. Ike, Kyle and Gerald  
  
went inside. Shelly and Scott were inside talking to a rather bored looking Stan, and  
  
Tommy was tearing around the house pretending to be a car.  
  
"Broom! Broom! Meem meep!"  
  
"Hey dude." Stan said as they entered.  
  
"Stan."  
  
"Last night was great, huh?"  
  
"I dunno, let's ask Ike!" Said Kyle, spinning around and pointing at Ike. Ike just  
  
smiled and sat in an armchair.  
  
"So, who'll be there today?" inquired Kyle. Stan shrugged and yawned.  
  
"Oh, the whole town I expect." Answered Shelly.  
  
"I wonder if Cartman'll try anything today?" Said Stan casually. As soon as he  
  
uttered Cartman's name, Tommy stopped running around, put his hands over his ears and  
  
screeched.  
  
"Mommy, it hurts! It hurts!" He fell to his knees. He crawled to the corner, pulled  
  
his knees to his chin and rocked back and fourth. Everyone except Scott and Shelly  
  
looked nothing short of shocked.  
  
"I guess I should explain." Shell said. "He's a very sensitive boy. If you mention..."   
  
Shelly glanced at her son, leaned in and whispered. "If you mention Eric Cartman or  
  
Butters Stotch he gets upset. You know, because of the horrible things they did."  
  
"What things?" Asked Kyle.  
  
"Well, you know what, what C-A-R-T-M-A-N did to Scott's parents."  
  
"Yeah, but what'd Butters do?" Asked Stan.  
  
"Oh, didn't you know? He killed his parents, and the Tweaks." Said Scott.  
  
The two families walked to the church together. Stan and Kyle lagged behind, discussing  
  
what they had just found out about Butters.  
  
"I don't believe he could have done it!" Stan exclaimed.  
  
"I do." Kyle replied.  
  
"What?" Stan stopped walking and gaped at Kyle.  
  
"Listen." Said Kyle, still walking. "I'm just not surprised because if the way he has  
  
been treated."  
  
"By who?" Stan inquired Stan, catching up.  
  
"Everybody!" Answered Kyle. "Remember how we fired him as our friend?   
  
Remember how he was tormented in High School? The Mr. Hat thing? No wonder he  
  
went crazy! And, come on. His parents were always grounding him for no reason. The  
  
stuff his father did, and his mother's...well, you know."  
  
"Yeah, I remember that. But why Tweek's parent's?" Kyle just shrugged.  
  
"Well, you wanna know my theory? Maybe he's just a psycho!" Suggested Stan.   
  
Kyle just shrugged again.  
  
They neared the church, and saw most of the town there. Officer Barbrady and his  
  
deputy were there, ushering the crowd into the church.  
  
"OKAY PEOPLE! MOVE ALONG!" Hollered Officer Barbrady. Kyle and Stan  
  
went up to him.  
  
"Hi Officer Barbrady."  
  
"WHAT? WHO?"  
  
"You'll have to speak up. He's deaf."  
  
"Craig!" Exclaimed Kyle, recognising the deputy.  
  
"Officer Craig!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"That's Officer Craig to you. Now move along." Kyle and Stan walked off. They  
  
wanted to say hello to a few people they hadn't seen in a while.  
  
"Hey, Uncle Jimbo!"  
  
"Hey there boys! Haven't seen you two in a while. You haven't heard about Ned and  
  
my bid business venture, have you?"  
  
"Oh yeah, mom was telling me about it yesterday. You're running a hunting ranch  
  
for rich city folks, right?"  
  
"Yeper! And they love it! Raking in the money!"  
  
"Where's Ned then?"  
  
"Oh, he was shot in the leg last week, and he's not up and about yet. Well, see you  
  
boys later!" Jimbo walked into the church, as directed by Barbrady.  
  
"Say, is that Pip?" Kyle pointed an a blonde man amidst a crowd of bodyguards.  
  
"Huh, dunno." The boys went over for a closer look.  
  
"Well, hello chaps! Want an autograph, then?" Asked Pip.  
  
"Uh, no." Stan said, looking at him.  
  
"Surely you've heard of me?" Asked Pip playfully. "I'm part of the multi-award  
  
winning group girlz on boyz!" Both Stan and Kyle had the overwhelming urge to punch  
  
Pip.  
  
"Oh. You mean that annoying manufactured English group that floods the charts  
  
with crap songs and markets to teenage girls and gay men."  
  
"That's the one chaps!" Said Pip cheerfully.  
  
"Just walk away," said Kyle as Stan balled his fist and gritted his teeth.  
  
"Bye chaps!" Stan and Kyle hurried away before either one hurt Pip.  
  
"Hey guys, remember me?" A rich looking black man, about their age, walked up to  
  
them.  
  
"No, but nice suit."  
  
"Oh, come on you guys! It's me, Token Williams!"  
  
"Oh, really? What are you doing these days?"  
  
"Actually, I have a law firm, Williams, Parker and Hawks."  
  
"Right. So you're rich then?" Asked Stan.  
  
"Yeah, pretty much." Said Token, walking off.  
  
"Dude, I think you offended him." Said Kyle. Stan just shrugged and headed into the  
  
church.  
  
"Dude! That service sucked!" Exclaimed Stan as they exited the church.  
  
"I know! Most of it wasn't even about Kenny! Father Maxi just talked about the  
  
evils of Avril Lavigne songs!"  
  
"Yeah. I mean, however valid that topic is, today was meant to be about Kenny!"  
  
"What do you think Catrman's gunna do?" Said Kyle as they neared the Marsh's.  
  
"Pfft! Who's scared of that fat fuck?"  
  
"You nephew?"  
  
"Yeah, Shelly must be so proud." Said Stan sarcastically. They opened the back gate  
  
into the yard, where the party was in full swing...kinda. The McCormicks were lapping  
  
up the attention from sympathetic well wishers. Shelly and Scott were talking to Lianne  
  
Cartman who was holding hands with a man who they had never seen before. Stan and  
  
Kyle made their way over.  
  
"Mrs. Cartman!"  
  
"Oh, hi boys! My, haven't you grown up?"  
  
"Who's your friend?" Asked Kyle.  
  
"Oh, this is my fiancee, Trey. He's from Connifer."  
  
"Hi Trey." Said Stan.  
  
"Hey." Answered Trey. He looked bored.  
  
"I suppose you boys are looking for Eric? Well, he's over there." They turned to see  
  
Eric stuffing food into his mouth.  
  
"Well, at least we know he hasn't poisoned the food." Said Stan.  
  
"Wanna go over?" Asked Kyle.  
  
"No." Said Stan, walking off. Kyle looked to see who he was going toward. It was  
  
Wendy.  
  
"Hey Wendy." Wendy looked at him and took a drag on her cigarette.  
  
"You smoke huh?"  
  
"Well yeah. It helps me relax." She snapped.  
  
"Heh. Well, it's working wonders."  
  
"Oh my God! Somebody put up the sarcasm sign!." Said Wendy looking away. She  
  
sighed. "What happened to us Stan?"  
  
"Simple. You got to good for me."  
  
"Me? What about you! The popular quarterback, hanging out with Roxy!" Stan  
  
didn't have the heart to tell her that he was living with Roxy.  
  
"I guess we just grew apart them" Said Stan, walking off.  
  
"Yeah." Answered Wendy quietly, watching him go. He found Kyle talking to Chef.  
  
"Hello there children!"  
  
"Hi Chef!"  
  
"How's it going?"  
  
"Good. How are you?"  
  
"Still working at the cafeteria. You know what though, I've never met a group of  
  
children quite like you."  
  
"Heh. Yeah. What's going on at the Elementary school?"  
  
"Oh, everybody's still there. Mr. Mackey, Principal Victoria, and Mr. Garrison."  
  
Cartman looked at his watch. Almost noon. When the sun hit the point on Phil Collins  
  
Hill, it would reflect off the intricately arranged mirrors, burning the rope which held a  
  
vile of the most deadly virus known to man, which only he had the cure for. So the  
  
whole town (except for him and his family) would die the most horrid death imaginable...  
  
"Hey mister!" He looked down to see a young red haired boy holding up the most  
  
delectable cream puff he had ever seen.  
  
"You wanna bite?"  
  
"Well, maybe just one..." Cartman took a bite of the cream puff and fell over  
  
immediately in a deep coma. Tommy ran off in the direction of Phil Collins hill.  
  
"What the..." Stan went to follow him, but Scott put his hand on Stan's shoulder and  
  
stopped him.  
  
"Let him go. He knows what he's doing."  
  
Kyle, Stan and Ike were at the bar talking about the day.  
  
"So, he disarmed the trap just before we were all killed?" Asked Kyle.  
  
"Yup." Replied Stan, staring into his drink.  
  
"How did he know?" Asked Ike.  
  
"Simple. He's an evil genius. That's right. My nephew is an evil genius."  
  
"But he saved our lives. Doesn't that mean he's good, not evil?"  
  
"Dunno. Weird day, huh?"  
  
"Yeah. But I think we've learned something today." Said Kyle. "In a small town  
  
like South Park, it's hard to be yourself. It's easy to be trapped into what people think of  
  
you. There's one type of person in a town like this, and if you're not like them, they'll  
  
make something big out of it."  
  
"Yeah, that and Tommy Teiornman is a psycho."  
  
"That too." Said Kyle.  
  
"So, what do we do now?" Asked Stan.  
  
"Dunno. Go back to our lives again. Forget this ever happened." Answered Kyle.  
  
"Sounds like a plan. Well, here's to South Park." The boys raised their glasses and  
  
drank to their home town of South Park, and their Reunion.  
  
The End. 


End file.
